Strings and straines

As a person I know that I am quite serious. I don't know where it has come from but it has made me feel almost trapped sometimes. I feel as if I have lost my 'let loose' button. I don't know what relaxes me anymore. It's a moral dilemma because i want to make the most of my life and feel in a sense free. University and work stresses are making me feel down and I know that I am not enjoying alot of some of the parts mentioned but as I am in my second year I don't feel as if there is alot I can do. I can't drop out of university because I have gone too far to fail.


I have recently been having interviews for placements as it is a part of my degree to complete one. I think this is the time for me to be able to become a better me. It's hard as a student though because there are only x amount of jobs and about 100000 more students wanting them! So far I have had my heart set on two in particular. The worse part is though some companies are so intent on finding out whats good for them. But what about the students?


We are only in positions where we have to take what we are offered. What if it isnt the best fit for us though? Or what if people who get the role only applied as a last resort get it leaving the eager beavers who would kill for it to suffer in a job they dont enjoy?


I don't know whether now that I am down to two choices and waiting on getting them whether to decline the one I don't really want and hedge all my bets on the one that I do?


We are in an economy that allows companies to have the widest selection of candidates, the successful ones who could talk their way out of a prison cell...then the rest of us. Will we be left scraping the bottom of the barrel for jobs that wont challenge or thrill?


I hope to god we don't.